Is it just me or are others perplexed by the rise and rise of the so called Celebrity Chef? What exactly is a celebrity chef anyway? I don’t know the answer to that question but I do know that for the most part I can’t stand them. The BBC Food website describes one of my particular favourites; Ainsley Harriott, as the

charismatic, larger-than-life presenter of BBC Two’s Ready Steady Cook

Well I would describe him as a buffoon and you know what he looks rather to me like he might just be prone to dribbling.

The site goes on to describe Antony Worrall Thompson actually Henry Antony Cardew Worrall Thompson; known fondly as AWT or Wozza (apparently), as

a restaurateur and TV chef. He presented Saturday Kitchen and was a regular guest chef on Ready Steady Cook

Well for a start Wozza you have way more names than is good for anyone and a beard. A beard! Now don’t get me wrong I am not against beards in their right place, Father Christmas, odd looking ladies in the circus freak show, etc; but not on someone involved in the preparation of food.

I have one more celebrity, Gary Rhodes, to discuss before I get on to the most obviously evil of all personalities Jamie Oliver. Gary’s biography states that

more than any other chef, Gary Rhodes has reinvigorated British cooking with his own modern twist on the traditional

 For a start Gary your sixty eight years old – get a proper hair cut. For me Gary typifies the pretentiousness of the celebrity chef. I just don’t like the way he handles the food, hunching over it like some wizened crow. And why oh why do they all place one thing on top of the other making a kind of culinary Tower of Babel, attempting to cover as little of the plate as they can. A bit like Gary’s own hair style really pilled high on his head taking up as little surface area on his head as possible. It must be a miracle of a balancing act to get the plate to the table without the three foot high meal toppling over. How do you eat it, stick your fork in and shout ‘Timber!’ I guess.

Last but no means least Jamie Oliver – where do I begin. His biography describes him as

The hottest young star of TV cookery programmes, Jamie Oliver has wowed all generations of food lovers with his fresh, no-nonsense cooking style and his inspiring recipes.  The first series featuring Jamie cooking was the Naked Chef. Viewers were treated to a glimpse into his world, zipping about London on a scooter and hosting parties for all of his friends, all to a rock’n’roll soundtrack. The food was reassuringly hearty, but not too fiddly, and Jamie always seemed to have his hands full of fresh herbs and olive oil. It was an overnight success, attracting an audience that wouldn’t normally watch food programmes. The book that accompanied the series became a bestseller and the young chef, always fully clothed, was catapulted into the limelight

 I’m with Al Murray (aka The Pub Landlord) when he said that if you ever find yourself driving around London and you see someone on a scooter knock them down because ‘you never know it might just be the Oliver boy…‘ Jamie is a twat a word that is defined by many as ‘One who behaves in a childish, extroverted manner to the annoyance of others‘. Anyone who would call a child Daisy Boo or Poppy Honey and uses the word ‘pukka’ over and over again is worthy of all forms of derision. His biography mentions inspiring recipes. If you follow the link ‘Try some of Jamie’s Recipes‘ on his biography page the only thing you are presented with is, wait for it, ‘Tasty fish bake’. Truly inspired – pukka!

Oh yes one last thing what the **** is a Jus.