I read an article recently in the Economist stating that the good people of Luxembourg glug more than 15.5 litres of alcohol per person in a year, more than any other country on earth. Quite an astonishing fact given the enormous popularity of binge-drinking in this country, indeed the current Mrs. G and I often wander down to our local town centre of a Saturday evening to indulge in a little of it ourselves. Mrs. G and I find the antics of the gangs of short-skirted, white stiletto wearing trollops particularly amusing. A little hesitant at first we were soon ‘necking back’ the sweet sherry like there was no tomorrow. Indeed the hangover Mrs. G and I experienced the following morning as we awoke in the next door neighbours hedge plastered in our own vomit made us wish that there had been no tomorrow. Mrs. G looked a frightful mess, her hair and make-up reminiscent of Robert Smith (lead singer of post-punk band The Cure), mind you I was hardly in any position to point the finger as I myself had managed to quite literally have been dragged backwards through several hedges and had lost one shoe and both socks at some point during the evenings revelry.

But I digress, back to our wayward European chums the Luxembourgers. Not even a real country Mrs. G has just informed me but a Grand Duchy. “The worlds only sovereign Grand Duchy it has the highest GDP (Gross Domestic Product) per capita on earth” she said looking sternly over the top rim of her spectacles. So who came second in the poll of the inebriated; Ireland of course, but that was only to be expected. Britain, we managed a measly 10th and the United States with all her industrial and economic might could only manage a pathetic 40th place. Mrs. G and I will at least be able to take some comfort from the fact that if the ‘Armageddon Button’ is ever pressed it will be pressed by a sober idiot rather than a drunken one. Didn’t Luxembourg declare war on America once and actually win? I can just imagine the entire population of Luxembourg staggering home after yet another drunken night out and invading France to buy up all the kebabs.

Luxembourg’s motto is “Mir wëlle bleiwe wat mir sinn” which translates as “We wish to remain what we are” (pissed I assume).